Insomnia Worries

For years I have had troubles with insomnia. The worst of it getting so bad to only be getting 1-2 hours sleep at night. 

Doctors never seem to give me any long term help. I get given 7-14 Zopiclone tablets, 1 to be take when needed. My last prescription was at the beginning of March for 7 tablets, supposed to last me 2 weeks as you’re not supposed to take one every night, they lasted me about 9 days. 

When I go through these huge insomniac spells, the only thing that ever works is those Zopiclone tablets and I become so desperate to sleep, I don’t follow those rules. They never usually last but 1 nights sleep followed by a sleepless night doesn’t sort me out. I need a good 7 days of decent sleep to rest my body and function properly. So that’s the reason I don’t follow the instructions.

So it’s been 2-3 weeks since I ran out of my 7 Zopiclone tablets. Then I had a couple of nights where I had decent sleep without them, then fell back into nights of tossing and turning, where no matter how or where you lie, you can’t get comfortable. I can’t even explain how frustrated I got, how each day the struggle to get out of bed became worse. 

For the last 5/6 nights, I’ve slept pretty well. Falling asleep is still tough but once I’m asleep, I’ve actually been in a deep sleep and slept for about 5/6 hours. My mood has slowly been getting better now that I’m sleeping better but there’s always a worry that ‘tonight I probably won’t sleep. This isn’t going to last for long’. 

I dread going to bed. I never know if I’m going to be falling asleep or if I’m going to lie for hours on end waiting for a decent time to say “it’s time to wake up”, an acceptable time to get up and dressed and start the day. 

I hope these last few nights last, I doubt they will but it’d be so nice. 


Good Deeds

I haven’t wrote in a while. This has been my choice, not because of anything anybody has said. My main reason was because writing daily became too much of a chore, it started to feel as if I was repeating myself and it seemed to be getting boring.

I had actually thought a couple of days ago to delete my account since I wasn’t using it when tonight, and a couple days ago I saw 2 posts on Facebook about good deeds. And these things annoy me quite a bit.

The other day, a facebook friend wrote a status saying that she had done her good deed for the day and rung the fire service after seeing a dustbin on fire. It annoyed me quite a bit to be honest. Is really a good deed for calling the fire service? Isn’t that what everybody would do if they saw a bin on fire? To me, it’s just common sense. A good deed would be saving somebody trapped in a fire. 

Maybe I’m just pessimistic, but calling 999 (England) to report a fire is not a good deed. I’m sure if anybody else had seen it, they too would have reported it.

My next annoyance is the amount of “good deeds” are videoed and shared on Facebook or the most annoying “good deed selfie”. 

Tonight I came across a video of somebody giving a drink and something to eat to several homeless people. The act is kind and is what I consider a good deed, but why is there the need to video yourself doing it for LIKES and SHARES.     I have given money and bought hot drinks for homeless people but I’ve not posted about it, I haven’t taken photos to prove any point or to get people to LIKE my posts. I do it because I feel it’s the right thing to do.

I have, shamelessly, walked through my town centre on a freezing cold winter night muttering to myself “I hope the bus comes soon so I can get home, I’m freezing!” And as I’ve done this, I’ve seen a man lying in a shop doorway bedding up for the night” . I then became thankful for actually having a place to go and told myself to never complain how cold it is waiting for a bus, because at least I’ll get to a warm place, no matter how long it takes to get there.

Back to the point. I feel like it is becoming somewhat ‘fashionable’ to take selfies or videos of good deeds for LIKES. Don’t get me wrong, giving homeless people food and a hot drink is really good of you but just think about why you’re doing it… Is it for LIKES or are you doing it because you want to do a good thing.

Also, STOP USING “GOOD DEED” FOR LITTLE THINGS THAT ARE NORMAL!  Phoning emergency services or giving up your seat on a bus for an old lady are not good deeds, they are things everybody should be doing anyway. 

Maybe I was brought up being told these are normal things to do, but to me they are things that don’t need to publicised.