You’re not Innocent

I just heard this song and it seems like I could have wrote it.

Started out at school
Always saying she wasn’t good enough
Rumours spread and stories told
That she somehow heard of

Then the social network came
And it got so much badder
Telling her to just give up
So she listened to the chatter

How do you feel now she’s gone
And her family is torn
How do you feel now
She’s watching you live on

How do you feel now she’s gone
And what your words have done
You can try, you can cry, you can plead
But you’re not innocent

No

Started out with the razor
When she was shaving her legs
Then it got to a knife when
She wasn’t with her parents

Always wearing jumpers and bangles
It got to suicide attempts
And then they pushed her too far
And she walked over the edge

How do you feel now she’s gone
And her family is torn
How do you feel now
She’s watching you live on

How do you feel now she’s gone
And what your words have done
You can try you can cry you can scream
But you’re not innocent

Maybe next time
You won’t let it get that far
You’ll shut your mouth coz
You know what the consequences are

There’s blood on your hands
I hope you realise now
You killed her yourself
I hope you’ve figured that out

How do you feel now she’s gone
And her family is torn
How do you feel now
She’s watching you live on

How do you feel now she’s gone
And what your words have done
You can try, you can cry, you can scream
But you’re not innocent

It’s too late, it’s too late
It’s too late, it’s too late
It’s too late, it’s too late
It’s too late, it’s too late

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Moving on: Day 171

Today has been okay.

Again, another sleepless night, but the day wasn’t too bad.

I caught up with Hollyoaks, had something to eat then got ready to go out.
Tomorrow (well technically today) is mine and my sisters birthday and we went for a meal tonight to celebrate.
We went for an all you can eat and it was amazing.
The sad part was that there was me and my friend from work and then 5 people who were my sisters friends. There was one guy who I know but I only know him from my sister.
Over the last couple of years, I have learnt who my true friends were, the ones who have stuck by me and it’s quite sad to know at one point they would have been there too.
So yeah, that felt a bit shit.
Like I have friends at cheerleading and I invited them but none could make it and well… My low self esteem says it’s because they don’t particularly like me and long story short, negative thoughts arise about people. I don’t trust people now, when they say they’re my friend. I never believe them. I never believe that anybody could seriously like me.
But enough of that, it was quite a good night and maybe the whisky will help me sleep tonight.

Moving On: Day 170

So last night was a painful night of clock watching. 1:30am, 2:30am, 4:am, 6:25am, 7:15am and finally 8am with my alarm going off at 9am.. I decided I would t bother with make up and “slept” until 10am… When I say sleep, it was more “my eyes are closed and I thinking I’m dreaming but I can still hear what’s going on around me”
So, a sleepless night by far!

I then got up and went into town and did what I needed to and on my way back home, I had another phone call to arrange a job interview. So next week, I have 2 interviews…. Yay me!

I then got home and rested/ had lunch then got myself sorted and went off to cheerleading. I haven’t been able to do this for about a month because I really hurt my knee and the doctor told me I wasn’t allowed but today had been 5 weeks and the doctor said 4 weeks so I went back and BOY did the coaches work us.. Basically they must have thought we had all are too much over Christmas or something… OR the time that I’ve been off they have just started working everyone harder and I have to get used to it.. I’ve no idea but I died!
My knee is kind of back to being painful now though but I tried to work as I normally do today just to see how my knee reacts and now, I know what hurts it and what doesn’t.. Stretching my left leg is a no-go which kind of makes stretching a little hard.

Anyways.. I’m home now and in bed and I hope to god I sleep tonight!

Moving On: Day 169

Today has been quite alright to be honest.

I decided on de guttering my room. I’ve been trying for a few months but never got round to ever finishing. Today, I got fed up after doing half the room and 1 wardrobe. I have far too many clothes. I’m busy tomorrow but I think i will try and finish it on Saturday.

At some point today, I had a phone call to arrange a job interview, so that’s quite cool. Today has also involved playing my favourite music and reading Harry Potter.

I completed Day 4 of my ‘Abs and Squat 30 day Challenge’ which is making me quite happy. I hate exercising in front of my family because they will just end up taking the piss and I get self conscious so I end up starting these things and starting exercise but then skip days when people are home and end up not completing my goals but I am determined to finish this one and I will!

So quite a good, productive day today. Also, I took some cute pics of my dog, Diva today so I’ll share them with you!

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Moving On: Day 168

Well today!!!! The overuse a catchphrase, it’s been one of those days.

I woke up and went downstairs to chill then shit myself because my dad was watching a film being off work, sick. So I couldn’t chill like I usually do when I have the house to myself and I had to clean up and pretend that I do it everytime I’m in the house to myself lol.

This evening, I went upstairs for a little bit to charge my phone up. I then came back downstairs for dinner. I sat down and knocked my phone on the floor and cracked the screen. You know, I’m always dropping my phone outside on concrete everywhere.. Today, from a 2 foot drop it flipping cracks. I’m now going to have to check the warranty and actually do something adults do and try and get a replacement.

Then, it was the start of Celebrity Bug Brother and I have to admit I’m obsessed with big brother so I am quite excited that this is going to be on TV for the next few weeks.

Moving On: Day 167

Today has been a better day.

Last night I randomly started to cry – well not randomly, I know the reason but I’m not going to share that on here but I will say it was an extremely low moment and several thoughts went through my mind.

This morning, I woke up feeling better. I woke at a decent time and went downstairs and watched a film, Mean Girls.

Then I looked and applied for jobs and watched Friends. I also at some point, did day 2 of the 30 day abs and squat challenge. So I feel kind of proud.

This evening has been lazy – playing games on my phone and watching TV and now I am catching up on Hollyoaks.

So, a better day in general.

Moving On: DAY 166

Last night = another bad nights sleep
This morning = waking up late
Mood = annoyed and very emotional

I woke at around 11:30am and got up and went downstairs. I watched some Friends and then did Day 1 of the 30 day abs challenge. Then I watched Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones.
I’ve wanted to watch this film since it came out but it’s bloody shit.

This evening, I had a Chinese and watched more TV.