Moving On: Day 117

Today has been a very crap day.

I woke up feeling really emotional and just felt crap and I don’t know why. I decided to go downstairs and catch up on Hollyoaks, Gotham and Impractical Jokers and I also watched Friends and Sweet 16 but I couldn’t cheer up so I went to bed.

I lay in my bed and played my music and just wanted to sleep but I ended up thinking I would be better off dead. A lot of thoughts were going through my head. I wanted to cancel seeing my friend on Friday night.
I was scared of my own thoughts and started crying. I really wanted to die and I’ve no idea where these thoughts came from today. I haven’t felt like this in a while. I mean I have been on my way up and have had crashes and felt like harming and dying and they have passed. Today, it felt worse. Today I have felt like I couldn’t cope with life anymore and I had no idea how to get out of this. I just burst out crying.

After a while, I calmed down just needed to get out of bed, out of pyjamas and take a walk. I walked a little and out on my walk I went past a take away and got myself some food and came home and ate and watched TV.

I am feeling a little better now but still not 100%.

Then I saw an advert on TV for an S Club 7 tour. S Club 7 were one of my favourite groups as a kid and now they they are back together and touring. Tickets go on sale tomorrow but I don’t get paid until Friday so, the ad cheered me up but I also hope the tickets don’t get sold out before Friday because I decided it would be a great thing to look forward to and also an ideal Xmas pressie for my sister.

Today’s 3 Positives:
1) I went for a walk
2) I found out SClub 7 are touring
3) I watched all my favourite TV shows

Today’s Score: 1/5

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