Can I just start this off and tell you how good it feels to not have been on my feet all day!!
Today has been a nice simple day. Last night I didn’t sleep well at all. Last night, I spoke with someone and I don’t think the outcome was their plan, we were initially arguing (kind of) but she said something and it hit me hard and I spent about 3 hours crying on and off (I would stop then within minutes start again I thought I was never going to stop).
My therapy and counselling so far has been ok (except with the guy I now see). With Steph, it helped to discuss what I had done and she helped throughout the court case. She was someone I could talk to but there wasn’t any practical support with the self harm and suicidal feelings, so she referred me to Rob and he was amazing. We came up with a Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP) and that had me write down situations which got me low, and how to deal with them; and if that didn’t work there would be another plan and so on until it got to the crisis plan which basically we decided I would hand over decisions about me to someone else.
It really helped a lot to deal with the self harm stuff but I don’t seem to be able to get myself out of the low mood stuff and so I went back to the doctor and got referred again to A and he’s pretty useless at helping me, maybe with others he’s a great counsellor but I don’t have that connection where I feel I can tell him how I really am feeling so it doesn’t help me at all. Anyway, you can read about last night in my last post.
Today, I woke at around 9am and I just lay in bed wanting to fall back asleep. It didn’t happen so I went downstairs and caught up with this weeks hollyoaks.
Then, my mum came home from town (just before 1pm) and had a can! I couldn’t believe it. I really wish I could get inside her head and see why she feels she has to drink everyday and so early in the day too! I remember once, Pikachu said that maybe she’s stressed with everything but this has been going on much longer than 2 years. I mean, I never noticed it when I was at school and I don’t think she drank in the day. From what I can remember and think back to, drinking everyday started when the pub by our house closed down. She would then start buying cans from the shop and that must have been when I was about 18. I really don’t understand it.
Anyways, I sat watching TV then at about 6pm I came upstairs and went on my laptop to chat to a friend.
Now, I’m really tired from the lack of sleep last night so am going to go to bed.
Today’s 3 Positives:
1) I caught up on Hollyoaks
2) I spoke to a friend
3) I had a Terry’s Chocolate Orange
Today’s Score: 2/5