Moving On: Day 4

Hello guys,

I hope you are all well?

So today, I am gonna add something to these posts. I used to keep a written journal, where I would note 3 positives about my day and score my day from 1-5 (1 being rubbish and 5 being good). I am going to be adding that as I haven’t done it in a while.

Last night, it took me a while to sleep. The last time I looked at the clock was 2am, and it was quite a bit of time after that, that I eventually fell asleep. Insomnia is a bitch!
Also, as my parents are on holiday, I am staying in they’re room to have my own space from my sister for the week. We get on, but she won’t sleep with the window open, which causes arguments and so a week in my own space, with and open window is good. Last night, I looked through some old photos that I found. I found one of a time when I had eating issues. I was very young, but managed to hide food, chuck away meals, I would even ask for mashed potato, and squish veg into it to make it look like I had eaten a bit. Even at a young age, I had secrets to not eat meals. My voices started yelling at me, at how, when my parents had some control on what their child eats, I could still hide it, how I had more will power to be thin at aged 9/10 than what I do now. I felt jealous on the 10-year-old, thin Jade.

After some sleep, I woke up and felt low. My friend, I, rung me and stuff is going on between us, that B knows about. I had no idea why he rung. He told me to tell him when I was awake, I did and he rung me. He tried to make me feel better, but he didn’t. He didn’t do anything bad, I just was a bit too down to cheer up this morning.

My sister had invited her friend, K over, so she met him in town and the house was a mess, leaving me to clean up before they got back. I felt slightly annoyed, but she did bring me back a McDonald’s and we also baked a cake. FAT I KNOW!!

K went home at around 3:30pm and I went to take a little nap. I felt so tired. My friend S rung me for a little bit and that cheered me up a little.
I then came downstairs and had some dinner, played Facebook games, and am now writing this.

I said yesterday that I would be going to the police today but I got scared and used needing to clean the house as an excuse, but tomorrow I will ‘man up’ and go. I need to because I can’t let these horrid people get me down and get away with everything that they have said and done. Also tomorrow afternoon, I have a Doctor’s appointment. It’s a review because no antidepressants have really worked, or have given me horrid side effects. On the plus side, I don’t think my mood has changed too much without them. I’ve felt more emotional as I seem to cry at everything on TV, but my mood hasn’t got worse.

My dog, Diva is getting more and more agitated that my brother hasn’t come home yet. She really cares for my brother, maybe because he’s the youngest, I’ve no idea but she really misses him when he isn’t here.

Today’s 3 Positives:
1) I baked a cake
2) I told S what has been happening and she didn’t freak out
3) I cleaned up

Today’s Score: 2/5


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