Moving On: Day 6

Today has been a good day, mostly.

I did wake up feeling low again, but then once I got up I was okay. I planned on starting a diet, as this week of no parents, me and the sis have had a lot of junk food and movies. I had breakfast, then snacked on an apple, then went to have a sandwich for lunch; I took a bite, then spat it out – finding out the ham was out of date 😦 that kinda put me off eating. Then, my sister came home from work with biscuits and crisps and it went downhill.

Also today, I applied for a few jobs, my grandad visited and invited me and sis round for dinner, and I did a lot of cleaning up (which annoyingly is a mess again!!!)

We had dinner at my nans, then I went to gymnastics. Gym was good, although I have hurt my ankle, but it was quite chilled and relaxed, so was all good.

I now have a massive headache and need to go to bed… Night all xx

Todays 3 Positives:
1) I cleaned the house
2) I visited my grandparents
3) I went to gymnastics

Today’s Score: 3/5

Posted from WordPress for Windows Phone


New pet, maybe?

Yes, I am crazy – that is why I am in therapy and see my doctor regularly 😛 haha

But, I was cleaning up and came across this little cutie. I picked him up and sat with him watching TV until he started messing about around my ear and I kinda freaked out a little so took him outside.

Now to someone else, I hope this teaches you to not stalk me.

Posted from WordPress for Windows Phone

Moving On: Day 5

Hello guys, today has been a bit of a crazy day – emotionally.

I woke slightly later than planned but I got up and showered and ready, then left for the police station. I was so nervous, but I went and spoke to someone so I suppose, now I just have to move on and see what happens.

I then went to town, bought a few things, then went to a cafe. I am a fussy eater, and couldn’t see anything that took my fancy. I saw Jacket Potato and Coronation Chicken. I had no idea what Coronation Chicken was, I just assumed it was chicken with a bit of seasoning, I had no idea that it was some creamy, curry sauce and raisins! It got to my table and, it looked horrid. I thought I would try it, and at first I liked it, but after about 4-5 bites, the creaminess made me feel sick and I couldn’t really finish it off. So, I had a Victoria Sponge Cake instead.

I then went to my friend’s parents house to chill before my Doctor’s Appointment (they live around the corner from my Doctor’s surgery). They really cheered me up big time! 😀 I love that family so much, they are my second family. ❤ (The W Family)

I then went to the Doctors and for once, was seen on time! The surgery that I am registered to is quite a big one and always busy. So, when I have an appointment for 3pm, I tend to take out at least 30 mins of time to wait. I am staying off antidepressants; the ones that I have been on gave me awful side effects so I asked to try not take them. On the positive side, my mood hasn't gone down, it hasn't improved but no change is better than a bad change. The only issue is I have been really emotional at TV programs and films and just cry at them, like crazy.

I have now come home and chilling. My parents and brother are on holiday and my sister is staying away at a friends tonight so I have the house to myself, all night – something I have never done before. I am quite scared so am going to watch some films and have a quiet night.

Today's 3 Positives:
1) I went to the police
2) I bought things for Coral's memorial
3) I visited the W Family

Today's Score: 2/5

Moving On: Day 4

Hello guys,

I hope you are all well?

So today, I am gonna add something to these posts. I used to keep a written journal, where I would note 3 positives about my day and score my day from 1-5 (1 being rubbish and 5 being good). I am going to be adding that as I haven’t done it in a while.

Last night, it took me a while to sleep. The last time I looked at the clock was 2am, and it was quite a bit of time after that, that I eventually fell asleep. Insomnia is a bitch!
Also, as my parents are on holiday, I am staying in they’re room to have my own space from my sister for the week. We get on, but she won’t sleep with the window open, which causes arguments and so a week in my own space, with and open window is good. Last night, I looked through some old photos that I found. I found one of a time when I had eating issues. I was very young, but managed to hide food, chuck away meals, I would even ask for mashed potato, and squish veg into it to make it look like I had eaten a bit. Even at a young age, I had secrets to not eat meals. My voices started yelling at me, at how, when my parents had some control on what their child eats, I could still hide it, how I had more will power to be thin at aged 9/10 than what I do now. I felt jealous on the 10-year-old, thin Jade.

After some sleep, I woke up and felt low. My friend, I, rung me and stuff is going on between us, that B knows about. I had no idea why he rung. He told me to tell him when I was awake, I did and he rung me. He tried to make me feel better, but he didn’t. He didn’t do anything bad, I just was a bit too down to cheer up this morning.

My sister had invited her friend, K over, so she met him in town and the house was a mess, leaving me to clean up before they got back. I felt slightly annoyed, but she did bring me back a McDonald’s and we also baked a cake. FAT I KNOW!!

K went home at around 3:30pm and I went to take a little nap. I felt so tired. My friend S rung me for a little bit and that cheered me up a little.
I then came downstairs and had some dinner, played Facebook games, and am now writing this.

I said yesterday that I would be going to the police today but I got scared and used needing to clean the house as an excuse, but tomorrow I will ‘man up’ and go. I need to because I can’t let these horrid people get me down and get away with everything that they have said and done. Also tomorrow afternoon, I have a Doctor’s appointment. It’s a review because no antidepressants have really worked, or have given me horrid side effects. On the plus side, I don’t think my mood has changed too much without them. I’ve felt more emotional as I seem to cry at everything on TV, but my mood hasn’t got worse.

My dog, Diva is getting more and more agitated that my brother hasn’t come home yet. She really cares for my brother, maybe because he’s the youngest, I’ve no idea but she really misses him when he isn’t here.

Today’s 3 Positives:
1) I baked a cake
2) I told S what has been happening and she didn’t freak out
3) I cleaned up

Today’s Score: 2/5

Moving On: Day 3

Well, today has been a better day – I slept last night (thanks to the miracle of Zopiclone sleeping tablets) and I felt quite refreshed this morning.

I woke up, and made my decision on what to do, about all these messages. I don’t have a printer, and so print screened the messages, and emailed them to B.S, my adviser at a charity to help me look for work. She printed them off for me. She knows everything that has gone on, and wants to help me with everything. So, she printed them off, I collected them and I am going to the police tomorrow. I’m not putting off before you think I could have gone today, I had stuff today and my sister wanted me to accompany her to her Doctor’s Appointment. So tomorrow, the police it will be.

My daily diary:

I woke up feeling refreshed at around 9am, then went downstairs, watched TV and had breakfast. I then got myself ready, I had to go to my cousin’s house to drop some things off, and took my dog, Diva for a walk too. She enjoyed the walk as we have never been that route before. She had new smells to sniff and grass to run on. She loved it.

I then came home and waited for my sister to get ready. We then went to town, I picked up my printouts then went to a Fancy Dress shop – My friend’s memorial charity fun day has a disney fancy dress theme so I took a look, and my sister wanted to pick some things up from town. After shopping, we went to her Drs appointment, then came home. We then had 10 mins to wait for a bus, so picked up some scratch cards and I won £5!! 😀

When we got back, we had some dinner – pasta. Then just sat watching more TV.

We bought Diva some doggy treats – Dentastix to give her nice breath because she has bad breath and some chocolate bone treats. Whenever we give her treats, she usually runs to the garden and buries them. She buried her first treat, so I just gave her another one, and closed the doors so she couldn’t go outside. The eyes she gave me were just so heartbreaking, then she cried, then she just lay down and started chewing on it. I swear she had a smile. So, yep Diva… was I right to shut the door?? LOL

Now, just another chilled out night. Basking in my scratchcard winnings :p

Hope you have all had a good start to the week guys.

Moving On: Day 2

Today has been a struggle. ‘Moving on’ is hard, harder than it seems anyway.

Last night was another sleepless night and I feel really exhausted today. I woke up, and my sister text me with something she didn’t wanna talk about face to face, and told me not to question her, and so I can’t really post it on here, but if I could, I was so happy for her.
I got up, watched a lot of Friends, then allowed my sister to watch a thing called Catfish: The TV Show; it’s about a guy who helps people who have met people online, these people fall in love but never meet and usually end up not being who they say they are. (Ironic, I know – leave the witty comments please. I’ve thought them all myself)

Me and my sister then did our own Sunday Lunch. I did the chicken, and she did veg and gravy. It was the first tine I have ever cooked meat and personally, I would say I over-cooked to be a little cautious but my sister said it was perfect.

Me and sister then watched a movie on Netflix, she went to bed with a headache and I watched a lot more crap on Netflix, and tidied up a little.

I also received another message, on here and that’s where things got tough. I’m getting so fed up of these messages RE C. If C can write then so can I! However, on Friday, I decided no more writing about her, in the way I was and changing my blog to a daily journal type thing. Saying that, about previous posts, police and solicitor have said that I can write what I have as it is the truth. Naming her is the truth, and anything else of my opinion, is freedom of speech. It has been double-checked so back off with the comments. I am not harming anybody, but each message I get, I think “I don’t want to be alive anymore”.. I’m not suicidal, not threatening to kill myself, but I am sure, my mind is breaking each day, and these thoughts aren’t just gonna be thoughts soon.

So, another Netflix movie, and a chilled night, and hopefully I will sleep.

Have a good week folks x

Posted from WordPress for Windows Phone