I went on a date today. It was someone who I met online and I was nervous but I went and had a good time.
Me and D went to a Italian / American restaurant – Frankie and Bennys and had a drink. It got a little too crowded for my liking and so we went to a KFC across the road. The KFC there is only small and so wasn’t as busy and I felt better.
However, the eating anxiety hit me a lot. I find eating in public hard, especially in front of people I’ve only just met. The voice were saying I was fat and that the moment D saw me eating, he would leave. That he would think I was fat for ordering popcorn chicken and chips (fries), even though he had the exact same meal. My mind was having a mental field day with me eating in front of someone. But, I managed it.
D then asked if I wanted to chill in his hotel room. Again, the voices in my head were making up scenarios – “he’s gonna kill you” “You’re stupid for meeting someone off the internet” – all these negative self talk, voices whatever you wanna call them were driving me mad, then another inner voice popped up saying “people know where you are, who you’re with, you have a safety call and Pikachu is expecting a (precoded) text between 6-6.15 to know I’m okay. You’ll be fine.”
I decided to take the risk.
The risk paid off and we sat discussing hotels and random stuff. Mainly that the coat hangers are permanently attached to the pole. A lovely trait in a low-budget British hotel chain because us Brits have to take everything from a hotel that isn’t chained down lol!
D also saw my scars, and asked about them. I told him a little about what has happened in the last 15 months and he didn’t run a mile and was very supportive.
D is a very nice guy. He’s had his own demons to face, one being social anxiety himself, and bless his little cotton socks, he became all gentlemanly and removed my coat, but his hands were shaking.
We are gonna plan to meet up again sometime soon 😀
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