Lazy Cow

Last night, by mum had a little party to celebrate her birthday. She had most of the family around and the house was packed. Anxiety level: high.

To top it off, my best friend was at her brother’s and my sister has the flue, so went to bed around 10pm. I had to stay up and quite honestly, I was bored. At around 11pm, my nan came over to me and said that she’s got her ‘jadey’ back. That she noticed the last year I was depressed, and that she is certain I was suicidal for a lot of it, but over the last couple of months, I’ve returned to my old self. She also said that she wish I opened up more, that she’s even told my mum to lay off the beer and help me, although that hasn’t yet happened. But I was quite surprised by how much my nan knew. Well, I said I would try to open up more, at least with her. I don’t think I can begin to sort things out with my mum until she stops drinking.

a while later, I went outside to where everyone was smoking, to get some fresh air and I started talking to a girl I didn’t know, but found out is my mum’s step-cousin. Her name, M isn’t my mums ages and is in fact closer to my age, she’s 29 so we are quite similar. She likes drinking cocktails, as do I, but I make awesome cocktails. So we set about mixing drinks and drinking. We got quite drunk. At the moment, I’ve lost a lot of friends, and making friends is hard for me, so this was great. We became friends and she said if I needed anyone, I could go to her. 😀

Today, I am feeling very tired. I’m not hungover but just exhausted and have no energy. I downloaded a book last week, Seduced By Fire. It’s similar to 50 shades. When I downloaded it, I read a couple chapters and haven’t picked it up since. Today, I have managed to read about half of the book. I’ve never read so much in 1 day. I’m quite a slow reader. I had some dinner, but my tiredness and concentration is now low and I can’t read much. So, I came up and painted my nails.. The title is ‘Lazy Cow’ because that’s how I’m feeling today 😛

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