Last Day

Well, today was my last day at Probation… 😀

I made a mistake in 2012, in 2013 I was sent to court and give 12 months probation and today was officially the last time I have to go. On record, my file isn’t closed until the 14th of May, and if i was asked to go in between now and then, I can’t refuse.

But yes, it’s over now. I’m so happy. Probation has given me a lot of help, and although nobody wants to go there, and it wasn’t a nice place to admit to got to, my personal officer has helped me a lot.

I remember our first meeting, my officer said she was worried about facing me because from the statements and such from court, I seemed like such a horrible person and was out to cause harm. However, after meeting with me, she could see the type of person I actually am, that I made a very stupid mistake and that I never meant to cause harm.

At the start of my probation, I was self harming a lot and extremely suicidal. I felt so ashamed and guilty of what I did that I didn’t want to live. My officer helped me through that time.

It’s over now. I still regret what I did, but it’s time to move on. I have paid for my crime, and now it is time to look forward to the future.

Thank you to all my blog readers; your support has been amazing 😀

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Marvel themed blog post

First of all, can I just congratulate myself on this picture. I bought a blue dress and red, starry belt and fashioned myself a type of Captain America outfit. I friggin love it! 😀

Secondly, I read today that Marvel Comics are killing off Wolverine! Seriously Marvel! What the fuck is that about?! I don’t think I’m gonna cope without Logan! I’m pretty sure that this is gonna give me a mental breakdown. I almost crumbled in the films when I thought Charles had died, cried for about 10 mins when Logan had to kill Jean Grey (still not over that!) and now, in the comics atleast, you are killing off one of the best characters ever! As a child, you grow up with sticks between your fingers, pretending to be Wolverine, and as an adult, I still do this! (but with the added middle finger thing that I am childish enough to do).
Wolverine is what makes Xmen, along with Mystique. I am officially crushed.

So, this is my online petition to save Wolverine! (Just comment to show your support – nothing serious just a bit of fun)

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Afternoon Date

I went on a date today. It was someone who I met online and I was nervous but I went and had a good time.

Me and D went to a Italian / American restaurant – Frankie and Bennys and had a drink. It got a little too crowded for my liking and so we went to a KFC across the road. The KFC there is only small and so wasn’t as busy and I felt better.
However, the eating anxiety hit me a lot. I find eating in public hard, especially in front of people I’ve only just met. The voice were saying I was fat and that the moment D saw me eating, he would leave. That he would think I was fat for ordering popcorn chicken and chips (fries), even though he had the exact same meal. My mind was having a mental field day with me eating in front of someone. But, I managed it.

D then asked if I wanted to chill in his hotel room. Again, the voices in my head were making up scenarios – “he’s gonna kill you” “You’re stupid for meeting someone off the internet” – all these negative self talk, voices whatever you wanna call them were driving me mad, then another inner voice popped up saying “people know where you are, who you’re with, you have a safety call and Pikachu is expecting a (precoded) text between 6-6.15 to know I’m okay. You’ll be fine.”
I decided to take the risk.

The risk paid off and we sat discussing hotels and random stuff. Mainly that the coat hangers are permanently attached to the pole. A lovely trait in a low-budget British hotel chain because us Brits have to take everything from a hotel that isn’t chained down lol!
D also saw my scars, and asked about them. I told him a little about what has happened in the last 15 months and he didn’t run a mile and was very supportive.

D is a very nice guy. He’s had his own demons to face, one being social anxiety himself, and bless his little cotton socks, he became all gentlemanly and removed my coat, but his hands were shaking.

We are gonna plan to meet up again sometime soon 😀

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I have no title

Well, this is the last week of me and pikachu. She found herself a job out of town and is movingon Sunday 😦
We tried to do a selfie-a-day for 2 weeks but the last week she’s been busy packing and stuff, so it stopped. But she did edit a picture yesterday of us, so enjoy.

Things haven’t been bad lately, but they haven’t been good either. I’m still not sleeping and last night has been the worst so far. Usually I get 1-2 hours of sleep, falling asleep in the morning just before my alarms go off; yesterday was bad, I fell asleep around 7, my alarms woke me but then I fell asleep again from around 9.30 until mid afternoon. According to my body, that was sufficient enough to last a while because I came to bed around midnight last night, it’s now almost I and I haven’t slept yet! Not even the couple of hours I usually get!
I just feel like crying. I need sleep very much.i feel like lashing out and hitting my pillow, but I haven’t got the energy. I’ve given up trying to sleep today. I’m gonna get out of bed and just chill.

Yesterday, I went gymnastics. Lately my wrist really hurts when I do stuff and after 30-40 mins of handstands and cartwheels ECT I physically can’t do anymore. But yesterday, I did a handstand-bridge for the first time 😀
When my wrist started to ache, I chilled and did some splits stretching. Then, I went on the trampoline for the last 10 mins. I have a fear of trampolining. Jumping so high scares me because I’m terrified of heights but I went on it. I was having quite a lot of fun until I almost fell off. I saw the floor coming towards me and my life flashed before my eyes. Luckily, I managed to move my body a little so just landed on the trampoline in a funny way. I’m okay, no injuries, but I will most definitely not be facing my fears again anytime soon!

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Looking after this cutie <3

Isn’t she sweet!

This is Diva my doggie and she has been a bit poorly today, not eating much ECT.

I gave her some TLC and she’s back on form. However, she is jealous (note the green eyes :-P) she’s jealous because I can walk on 2 legs and she can’t.

Haha so yes…. I’m looking after Diva. She’s looked after me when I’ve not felt great over the past year, and so I’m looking after her now. Although, it’ll be shortlived because she’s just farted!!!

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Free Comic Book Day

I’ve just found out that my local comic book store is participating in Free Comic Book Day!!

I am just a little bit, excited! Seriously, I’m not working at the moment, I mean I volunteer, but don’t have a paid job and so don’t really go out I spend the little money I do have on comic books. So, for there to be a Free Comic Book Day happening, and the fact my local store is participating, I am happy!

I just hope to God, they’re not cheap, horrible comics that nobody wants. As longs as there is Marvel and or anything with Batman in, I’m good.

Free Comic Book Day is the 3rd of May guys, so find out if your local store is joining in.

Also, can I request, if anyone’s store is giving away Batman comics featuring Harley Quinn, could you possibly pick me one up just in case mine doesn’t. And I could arrange postage and such things. I am a massive Harley Quinn fan and one day, she will be beside me called me ‘Puddin’

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A drawing

I love those people that walk about in converses, listening to music like they don’t have a care in the world. I know that they may have their own problems but I just think they look so cool.

I sound like a child “he looks so cool” ECT but I love the baggy jeans, converse trainers and headphones look. I wish I could pull it off!

I can’t pull it off, but I can damn draw it 😛

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