I know the answer. I know Grief can take however long it takes. I know that each person differs, but boy does grief show up at random times!
This morning, I woke up thinking about my friend Coral. Coral died at the end of November 2013, and life still isn’t the same. This morning, I randomly started remembering the last conversations me and Coral had. Coral moved at the age of 12 and lived a 5-hour drive from me, so most of the time, our conversations were on Facebook. In our private conversations through Facebook messaging, she had asked me how my depression was doing, I answered truthfully, that (at that time) it seemed to be getting worse. Then, I asked how she was, not knowing she was sick. She told me she had been diagnosed with coronary Artery Disease. She said it was really serious and bad, she was really ill, and was told she would never be able to have kids, but that the Doctors didn’t know how serious it was. This conversation was at the end of October, and I just think, if I hadn’t of mentioned being really depressed, would she have told me she didn’t have long to live? She knew she didn’t have long; we found that out from her mum when we were told she died. I like to think that she wouldn’t have told me anyway, that she didn’t want to tell anyone, because she didn’t want anyone to treat her any differently. From what I can gather, on her immediate family knew how sick she actually was. At the beginning of November, I posted a Meme (The Recorder one on this post). Coral and I had such a fun conversation remembering times we had in primary school with recorders. How we always planned to ‘forget’ them so we wouldn’t have to play them! Those 2 conversations were my last with Coral, and I don’t think I will ever forget them.
Then, I was also remember the time before either of us had internet, MSN or Myspace or anything like that. After she just moved, we would write letters to each other. It never crossed my mind to keep these letters, but I wish I had. It was a great way of communicating, and the thought crossed me that letters are so personal. You can show so much in a letter, and personally, I think they are so much better than emailing and such. It was always so exciting to come home from school and have a letter from Coral to open and read. Emails are free and quick, but I still miss the letters. Just as I was getting down and angry for not keeping the letters, a song came on the radio:
“It seems strange how we used to wait for letters to arrive but whats stranger still is how something so small can keep you alive”
Isn’t it weird how this song played as I was thinking about the letters between Coral and me? I believe it was her showing me she’s still here, around me whenever I’m feeling crap. Amazing.