I’m feeling a little alien right now.
When things were good, years ago, I knew life, I enjoyed it and enjoyed what it had to offer.
Then when things became bad and I felt low and lonely. But still, things were obvious; I woke up expecting bad days, knowing that things weren’t going to be good.
Right now, things seem to be getting better, I am volunteering which is getting me out of the house and I’m learning new skills because I can’t work with children anymore. I’m hoping this job helps me find paid work. I enjoy it and it gives me a purpose. I also try and swim once a week with my sister, and also joined gymnastics and learning to become friends with people I don’t know, without having to make up stories to gain sympathy. So things seem good.
Things are getting better, right? Nope! Things look good but then I remember that no matter how much I move on, some point in the future, a book is going to be written and published about me. And then anxiety creeps in and I feel low again – not even a little bit low. I get so low that I feel suicidal from just one small stupid thought!
Now, I feel alien. I have no idea what I’m going to be feeling. I have no idea what each day is going to bring. Am I going to be happy or sad? I’ve really no idea what to expect and I don’t like it.
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