I started 2014 quite positive. I was going to live each day as they come, and deal with the fact about the book being written, when it came to it (That’s even if I get told when it’s out). And that plan worked for a couple of days. Things seemed more positive; I’m even properly starting my job tomorrow.
However, this weekend has been horrible. I’ve done nothing wrong, and my sister was even on my side. Friday night, my mum (drunk) was yelling at me for anything and everything. My sister laughed and assured me I hadn’t done anything but that my mum wanted to pick a fight again. Saturday, it was my dads turn. I went downstairs, and he was watching a film. The film finished and he went into the other room to watch my brother on his Xbox. I decides to look what was on tv, since the film had finished, and see what else was on. He came in and yelled at me for turning over, saying that there was another film on that he wanted to watch. I said I was sorry, that I didn’t know that but he kept yelling at me, he said “you’re 22, you should know to ask” fed up of always being yelled at, I angrily/cheekily said “I’m not 22 yet” (okay my b’day is next weekend (Jan 11th). But then he replied “No, and you won’t live to see you’re 22nd. You’ve f*cked up your life because of some stupid texts. You shouldn’t make 22”. Inside, I broke at this. I was almost in tears, but didn’t want to see that he got to me. In my head, I was saying “no I won’t make 22. There’s no. Point in stating alive for this shit”. I wanted to run to my room and cut, I wanted to harm and kill myself. In the last month, I’ve had low moments, but last nights feelings of wanting to harm and die, had been the strongest in a while. But I managed to sit it out.
Today, my dad moaned at me for moving seats, to get the phone charger. And when I came to bed, feeling tired, my bed was a mess. My sister got out all my nail stuff and left it all there. It took me ages to clear away, and it’s woken me up!! But my sisters response “I dont care”.
I’m so fed up!
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