Last night, this issue was keeping me awake, and I came up with a few possible answers to my problem of making friends.
1) I’m a twin. We grew up inseparable until about 8. When she made a new friend, I struggled to find my own.
2) I’ve always had a lot of self doubt. I question if people actually like me or if they’re just being nice. I go through a lot of negative thoughts when people are being nice. “They hate me. They don’t ask me to join them meeting up. They probably talk about me when I’m not around.”
3) Whenever I’ve felt I’ve had a good friend, there has been a reason to us becoming friends. Coral, we were both bullied. E, I self harmed and she helped me. Louise, we met up after a while after college, found out we were both having a tough time and came close.
Most of my friendships happen because of me needing someone. Something has made me down and they were there for me. I think that also explains the friendship with C, she was there for me.
Now, at gymnastics, I’m questioning whether the girls like me or not. Questioning how to make friends with them. It’s sad, but I don’t know how to make friends properly. I’m come up with the conclusion that next session, I’m going to see if they wanna go for a drink after. See what happens then. I dunno if it will work, or how I react if they say they can’t, but I can try make friends with them.
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