Many people have told me that when I’m feeling really low, I should make sure I’m with someone.
This morning, I woke at 5am feeling sick and couldn’t get back to sleep. I was meant to meet my friend and Nan today, but messaged my friend, Louise, to say I wasn’t feeling well. Louise ended up in town and seemed pretty mad at me, also mad because she upgraded her phone at the weekend and the SIM card/chip wasn’t working. The shop fixed it today, but Louise can be a bit dramatic and text me to say she was in a café and wasn’t moving – all because she was angry at the shop.
I told her that her phone was sorted now and to forget it, but she went mad at me saying I didn’t understand and for me to forget it. I decided I would have to ignore the fact I wasn’t feeling well and meet her to see what was wrong.
Things were sorted, then Louise text my nan (she lives there) to say she was with me and I’d be going back with her – a bit out of order I think; I just wanted to go home, be alone, moping and feeling sorry for myself. Personally, I don’t think that having lazy, alone days once in a while is bad for you. It’s just what I feel I need at the moment; time alone to work through my thoughts. At my Nans, Louise said that we are shopping with/ cooking for my grandparents tomorrow. We had planned to do it today until I woke feeling sick. But yet again, I wasn’t asked, it’s been forced upon me and to be honest, I just can’t be bothered.
So, am I wrong to want a “lazy, alone day”? I know that if my thoughts caused me to get too low, I would make myself socialise. But I hardly get time where I can just chill on my own and get up whenever I want to etc. And today, I’ve not exactly had the chance to because my mum and sister have been home, but laying in bed with music would have been good for me. I dunno, I need to be alone to grieve for Coral, and nobody is giving me the chance to be alone and I’m getting frustrated.
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