Christmas has gone pretty okay this year. I, not ungratefully, didn’t get what I had asked for though. My sister and brother got everything they asked for, and I was happy with what I got. But when I opened my presents, my mum said “sorry I didn’t get you what you asked for, it’s just after spending money getting these pair their things, I didn’t have much money left.” like I say, I’m not ungrateful for what I got, I got x-men and wolverine DVD box set, acrylic nail set, and 2 yard boxes of jaffacakes (the best thing ever!). My only issue is what she said, it just makes me feel different from them, again. Me and my sister are twins, so why is it me who comes out last?
Also, my dad had told me about what my old best friend, Grace had said via text to him. A few month ago, I text her to say I was feeling low, she replied saying she felt we had drifted, that we hadn’t spoke properly in months and that meant we weren’t friends. I told my sister and mum this and thought my dad knew. Last month he text her trying to get her to get me out. She replied something horrible, saying I’m almost 22 and should be able to deal with my own problems.
It’s made me feel low, and since hearing that, I’ve not been able to come out of my low mood. I understand we drifted, people do, but you’re still able to say hello in the street. My feelings of aloneness went up. I’m fed up.
I did 2 shifts in my new job this week, and start properly in new year. It’s voluntary, but gets me out the house and gives me a purpose.
However, I feel my mood still getting lower. I’m trying to curb it, and lift it but everything is still there, in the back of my mind.
I miss my old friends, I miss everyone. Grace knew everything that had happened, one of the few that do, she said she’d always be there, but she’s gone. I’m fed up of everyone saying they will always be here, and then they just go! I can’t deal with much else.
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