I never meant to start a war

I am a massive fan of Miley Cyrus. Yes, I don’t like how she acts as she has a lot of young followers via Disney, but most of her songs have a deep meaning. Whenever I hear Wrecking Ball I think about C.

“I never meant to start a war, I just wanted you to let me in, and instead of using force, I should have just let you in”

I really didn’t mean to start a war, but that’s what it feels like. All I am doing now is try to fight for my name. I have never hurt anyone in my life, and I wouldn’t dream of hurting anyone, especially children. I’m not evil, I’m hurting.

Each day that goes past, I break a little more, I hurt a little more and I give up a little more. I just want to die. I keep on cutting my wrists, taking overdosed and each time, I fail. I wake up to the misery of life. Yet no one seems to take me seriously. I’ve still not heard anything back from my cancelled appointment at counselling. When this all started, I knew I needed help, I went to the doctors and said I needed help. I could have just sat at home and I would have probably given up a long time ago. But I asked for help and I’m not being given it. Okay, I was coming down to my last couple of sessions, and I was preparing myself for it to end. But it’s like they can’t be bothered with helping me, so why should I bother?

A friend from school said whenever I needed her to text her. When I did that a few weeks ago, she said she didn’t want anything to do with me as it seems I’m quite happy talking to Louise, or my other friend N. N lives an hour away on the train, and yes I talk to her but Louise is the only person I have now that is just round the corner. I miss my friend Grace. But again, why should I bother when nobody actually cares?!

Sunday night I gave up, and cut again. And today I have a job interview.. Yay me! I’m going, I’d rather have a job than sit at home and maybe a job would help me but really, it’s in a coffee shop, not my dream job.

Fed up of life.

Posted from WordPress for Windows Phone

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