Today has been quite a positive day.
I found the courage to print off emails and messages ECT, and hand them over. I’m hoping that ‘this’ gets resolved. I had to go to the library to print them off, and had 30-40 minutes remaining of my slotted time. In that time, I came up with an intro for a story. I wrote it, and ever since, ideas in my head have been popping up. It’s a fiction book, based on facts of things I’ve had to deal with, and some I’ve not had to deal with personally. I don’t want to give much away, but it’s about a girl dealing with issues, and self harm, and a recovery. I definitely want to add the recovery part, I want to use my experiences to help others.
My mistake caused me to fall into a deep depression, return to a life battling with self harm. I don’t want to write my story. C is already doing that. But I do want my struggles to help others. A lot of this book is going to be my thoughts and feelings splashed onto a page; it just won’t be about anything.
I don’t want to fight anyone anymore, all it does is bring me down, and bring others down. Yes, I am still reporting the messages. I am scared out of my life of people searching me and what not.
So instead of fighting, I’m gonna accept what’s happening, and just report anything I feel is wrong.
I am paying for my crimes, and I can’t do anything to get out of them. So I’m gonna use how it’s made me feel, use the reasons why I contacted C in the first place (loneliness) as a reason why the girl feels crap in the first place. It’s going to be her journey dealing with issues. Then also showing people there is a way out.
Also today, I had an amazing interview. I got along really well with the interviewer, and she said “I have lots if interview but I’m sure Wendy will definitely ring you”. All sounds good to me. After my suicide attempt on Saturday night, I didn’t turn up to my job on Sunday. I just woke up feeling like there’s no point, so I just lay in bed, annoyed I didn’t try harder to die, and thought up ways to die.
But that was the past, and the past don’t matter… She says hopeful to move on.
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