I Wish, I Wish

I have a lit of wishes right now; each one isn’t particularly great, but they are ny wishes.

I wish I could write by blog without so much criticism. I understand anyone’s writing is gonna be criticized, but isn’t writing supposed to be about freedom? My blogs are usually freedom of my thoughts, why is that a problem. I’ve no idea why C continues to read my blog, if she doesn’t like what I’m writing, don’t read it. If she doesn’t want anything to do with me, stop telling people about me and stop writing a fucking book! I’m trying to move on with my life but getting messages saying “I saw C twitter and read her blog, and think you’re a selfish bitch and need to die” is not helping me! Well last night, after receiving that message, I went onto Cs twitter and clicked the link to the blog. She has fully named me, and said where I live, so for anyone who wants to send abuse to me, its pretty fucking simple to search me. Isn’t naming me and where I live putting risk onto me??? Well, I’m gonna look up that.
Also her blog states what I did, which I don’t like, but if she’s allowed to write a book about it, she’s allowed to write a blog about it. But to say I’ve “gained sympathy from my readers” and that I’m”telling lies” in my blog well that’s just bollix! I’ve learned from the first time if I lie I’m gonna get caught, so why the fuck would I lie again, and I would like to know what it is I’ve lied about exactly.

Well, all of the above gave me a new wish – I wish I was dead, and I wish I didn’t have to deal with this.
So last night, whilst everyone was still partying, I came upstairs. I took the remains of a pack of ibruprofen tablets (9 in total) and my antidepressant tablet, cut my wrists and wanted to get more water to take more tablets. I’m on antibiotics at the moment, and had 100 of them (been taking 3 a day, so probably have around 80 left). I wanted to take them, but text my friend instead which was very helpful, plus the sedation effect in my antidepressants was starting to work so I went to sleep.

This morning I don’t feel any better. Something I thought impossible, I’ve sunken lower into depression.. TBC


3 thoughts on “I Wish, I Wish

  1. You only have yourself to blame, maybe you should speak less lies and be honest with your bog readers, oh wait you can’t be honest about what you did to C can you, your just hitching because you were found guilty in court and your name is now connected to that crime, one day everyone who reads your lies will find out exactly who you really are!!!!!! Oh and that meagre excuse of an apology to C was insulting!!!!!

    • I apologised way before i knew she was reading my blog, not to her as i have a restraining order. If I could send one personally it would say a lot more, not something that I want to share. You have no idea what went on, and I’ve no idea what she has been saying. All I know is what i read last night, and to be honest, some of that was a lie. I also once had a message from my probation officer that was apparently quoted from her after reading my blog- to which she had twisted and which i had proof of. So Watever she says now, or in her book is probably twisted to make me look so much worse. I know I am to blame, thanks for that reminder, like i forgot! But what i did to her, upsetting her, making last year awful was never my intention, all i wanted was a listening ear. At the time i was highly depressed, and had no one (Not an excuse but just a reason) it wasnt to purposly cause her any grief. What she is doing now, is to cause me as much pain and hurt and more. What stops people searching me and commenting, like you have. Whats to stop people finding out my address and physically harming me. That is not right, and it’s not right that I’m too afraid to walk down the town alone incase someone knows it’s me. I never caused her physical harm, it’s totally different. I was looking for much needed attention, not hurt her.

      • You put her through Hell, you may be having a tough time now but don’t you think that causing all that you did last year made her feel any good, you named her in your blog which you then deleted, but it was seen, this forced her to not only name you but force her to fight to clear her name of any wrong doing towards you, you must know what sort of life she endured and to pick into her heart with lies and deceit is never going to be easy for her to get over, if you need help then get help, but don’t lie about what your going through in such an extreme way, as far as she was concerned she thought you were already being physically harmed, and abused and you spoke of things that were unthinkable, you played on her kindness and lead her along a dark road, she may physically be ok but mentally she is broken, I’ve read it all, Ive seen how you still drag her down even to this day, your blog is sad, but do you even know what are lies and what is real as to your feelings, if you want closure stop the blogging about C stop using her to give you excuses for the pain you feel now, accept your mistakes own up to them and maybe one day you may even be able to get the help you need by being honest with yourself and others, you don’t need sympathy, try using your blog to be honest to all that read it.

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