I have a lit of wishes right now; each one isn’t particularly great, but they are ny wishes.
I wish I could write by blog without so much criticism. I understand anyone’s writing is gonna be criticized, but isn’t writing supposed to be about freedom? My blogs are usually freedom of my thoughts, why is that a problem. I’ve no idea why C continues to read my blog, if she doesn’t like what I’m writing, don’t read it. If she doesn’t want anything to do with me, stop telling people about me and stop writing a fucking book! I’m trying to move on with my life but getting messages saying “I saw C twitter and read her blog, and think you’re a selfish bitch and need to die” is not helping me! Well last night, after receiving that message, I went onto Cs twitter and clicked the link to the blog. She has fully named me, and said where I live, so for anyone who wants to send abuse to me, its pretty fucking simple to search me. Isn’t naming me and where I live putting risk onto me??? Well, I’m gonna look up that.
Also her blog states what I did, which I don’t like, but if she’s allowed to write a book about it, she’s allowed to write a blog about it. But to say I’ve “gained sympathy from my readers” and that I’m”telling lies” in my blog well that’s just bollix! I’ve learned from the first time if I lie I’m gonna get caught, so why the fuck would I lie again, and I would like to know what it is I’ve lied about exactly.
Well, all of the above gave me a new wish – I wish I was dead, and I wish I didn’t have to deal with this.
So last night, whilst everyone was still partying, I came upstairs. I took the remains of a pack of ibruprofen tablets (9 in total) and my antidepressant tablet, cut my wrists and wanted to get more water to take more tablets. I’m on antibiotics at the moment, and had 100 of them (been taking 3 a day, so probably have around 80 left). I wanted to take them, but text my friend instead which was very helpful, plus the sedation effect in my antidepressants was starting to work so I went to sleep.
This morning I don’t feel any better. Something I thought impossible, I’ve sunken lower into depression.. TBC