(Blogging from my phone gives me a character limit so this is continuing from my previous post)
My depression sunk lower and I’ve woke up today not wanting to do anything. I don’t see the point in anything anymore. Everything is pointless. I was meant to work 12-4pm but it’s bar work and I’ve never done it before, and I’m completely shit. Friday I had my first shift, and I told myself “It’s a new experience, and the bar was having a party, so I was thrown in at the deep end. I will get better”. Last night and this morning I am comparing myself to my sister. She used to work in a bar and was good. I’m completely shit. I don’t want to do it, plus today was a christening party. I’m useless at pouring a pint. I made a couple of mistakes on Friday and I probably Pissed everyone off with how shit I was.
So it’s 12.45pm and I’m still in bed, I’ve not rung in, I don’t wanna lie and say I’m ill. I just don’t know what to do. I want to pull the blanket over my head and sleep forever…
My friend Louise is making me go hers tonight. She saw the cuts across my wrist and doesn’t want me to be alone. I love her family, but I don’t wanna go. I want to be alone.