Well with the depression side of things, today has been shit.
I saw the psychologist, he still thinks I need help with things, but is discharging me. I still have my final 4 counselling sessions, but he is part of another service in my local ‘mental hospital’. I finally spoke out about the voices I get, and he said with depression, it can be quite normal. He’s not worried as I feel like they don’t control me and make me do things. If they get worse, I’m to see my doctor. So all in all, I am discharged from that service. I should feel good, but I just feel like he wasn’t listening to me properly. And I am terrified, that once the 4 counselling sessions, I’m gonna start to feel lonely again, and have no one to talk to- which is what led me to speak to C in the first place. The difference now is that I have my friend Louise and her family, and I’ll have new, practical skills to help me if I start to get low.
Back last October, I resolved some issues with 3 friends. I thought we were all sorted. In school, we were best friends. Today, one of them (the one I was closest to) showed the other 2, her wedding dress. I got massively upset. At school we would talk about our weddings; what we would like them to be, dresses etc. And to find this out today, that she hadn’t even invited me to go see it, hurt like mad. So, I’ve sent them 3 a long text basically saying that I thought we had things sorted, and how I felt that I never seem to get invited to join them with things. Also, that whenever I organise things (like a Halloween party this weekend) I invite them and apparently they are all sooooo busy! I’ve sent them the message, and I’m gonna leave it at that. I’m not bothering anymore.
On a positive, I got a job. It is only as and when needed, but it is a job. So, all of C’s efforts to ruin my life, to ruin my chances of ever working again, have failed. It may be C:1 zillion- Jade:1….. But I’m on my way up! I am working again! (Whenever I’m needed LOL) My first shift is on Friday 😀
Oh and check out me trying on my Halloween costume.