Perk Up

So, it’s Sunday again and my Mum is drunk, again! I expected her to be her usual drunk self, but tonight she has really annoyed and upset me.

I just happened to mention I have to go doctors tomorrow morning, and she asked if it was for my antidepressant tablets, so I said yes. Her response is just completely shocking: 

“You need to start coming off them, Jade. You just need to PERK UP. If you’re as strong as me, you don’t need them” 

I just felt like yelling back that I am nothing like her; I’m not strong and I can’t cope. And I think that if she wasn’t drunk, and likely to keep up the awkward conversation, I would have said a bit more of what I really wanted to say.

 

It has just really upset me. How am I supposed to perk up? Someone is writing a book about me, and my life is fucked at the moment, so perking up is hard. To be honest, I don’t think these tablets are working but I can speak to the doctor about that.

Ive come up to bed quite early, to get away from her and to calm down. But instead, I burst into tears and felt like I was breaking down. Suicide is, yet again, at the top of my mind right now. I got myself a drink, with the thoughts of maybe needing it to take tablets, and I basically want to completely savage my arms up.

😦

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5 thoughts on “Perk Up

  1. Sounds like you need to get away from your mom and the people putting a gray cloud over your life. You will be okay. Just keep pushing forward. And tell your mom It takes way more strength to deal with your feelings than it does to drink them… Just saying.

  2. One day you will have the strength to be able to say that to your mum. Just remember – you are stronger than you know. How much have you had to deal with that she hasn’t? x

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