Please let me die

Two nights ago, I tried to kill myself.
I cut my wrist and forearm, it was bleeding like I’ve never seen before. I felt a huge feeling of release that I was going to actually die this time. To finalise everything, I took an overdose and I slowly fell asleep.

Sadly, I woke up the next morning. I felt awful, not because of the attempt, mainly because it seems I have come down with a nasty cold. I also felt awful because I had woken up.

The feeling that I was gonna accomplish dying was really good. I can’t explain it. I felt at peace, that dying was what was right, I just felt no worries at all. It was a nice feeling.

Since waking up, 90% of my time is thinking of ways I’d be certain to die. I think about jumping off a nearby bridge onto the M6 motorway, but Steph my counsellor said to imagine the carnage, the fact that some random person or family is gonna have to suffer the fact that they hit me. I can’t do that to someone.

So, the only thing I can think of is more cutting and more tablets than what I did 2 nights ago.

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3 thoughts on “Please let me die

  1. Hey. I’m no one at all but as someone currently way on the depressed side of manic-depression; I ask you to think about medicine. We are made up of chemicals and electricity. If that circuitry is out of sorts, we’re out of sorts. Right now I know that my depression is bad but I have a tiny victory in that I know that before medicine, it was far worse. Think of living even if its unbarable right now…we just have to survive long enough to let it pass.

      • I know it is really rough. I was on various meds for about five years before I got on just the right cocktail that keeps me from wanting to gouge my own eyes out. I joke but, It really is nicer for me now. Keep at it, Tell your doctors to try different meds, etc. Most importantly, tell the whole truth.

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