As you may know, I’ve got worse. I’ve been told if I don’t cut enough to give me 100 points, I’m gonna kill myself by 1st September. I’ve been staying at a friends Friday-Monday, and she stayed at mine last night, but I’m still getting worse. I have managed to put off cutting being with her family and her, but I’m still getting thoughts, and this voice telling me to cut is getting louder.
I tried to ring Steph this morning, but she’s not in at all this week, So I asked if the other leader of the group that I attended was in, but she’s also off this week; so I just said it didn’t matter as I find it hard to trust and talk to people.
But by next Tuesday, when Steph is back, it might be too late. I felt like crying when I was told she wasn’t in. I just don’t know what to do.
I don’t want to cut, but live with this voice yelling at me. If I cut, I’m sure I’ll just feel worse, and guilty.
I’m such a fucking mess!