The voice in my head jumped up a notch this morning. I’ve been cut-free for a week now and the voice doesn’t like it.
This morning, I was feeling low, and the first thing I heard was the voice. It said i wasn’t allowed to be happy or chilled out (spending this weekend at a friends, away from family), and that if i wasn’t going to cut, and do as ‘he’ wants, he shall have to work harder at making me realise what a waste of space life is.
Cutting is now a game. For me to carry on living, I have to get 100 points by the 1st September. ‘he’ will judge the cuts and the bigger/deeper they are, the higher the points. If I fail to get 100 points by September 1st, he will make me kill myself.
I need to speak with Steph, my counsellor, but she’s closed my file so that I can be re-referred to a therapist, plus I know she’s not in until wednesday. I have no idea what I’m gonna do, I need to beat this game and get 100 points but I don’t wanna cut!!!