Today has not been a good day

My mood last night was vile, and to top it off I couldn’t sleep. I was tossing and turning and my thoughts were quite bad. I was thinking of ways to seriously hurt myself, all I was thinking was to cut a deep cut up my forearm. The thoughts I was having were very distressing to say the least.

5.30am- I’m still awake and my sister’s alarm goes off. I still have these thoughts of wanting to cut.
6.30am- I hear my Dad get up for work. Same thoughts in my head, I end up scratching at my arm to see if that helps.
7am- My Mum and Brother get up. My thoughts are still low. I swear I heard Micheal leave for school around 8.20 like usual, then my Mum shortly after. I think about trying to sleep but by about 9.30am I give up hope, tell myself to shower then go do some exercise.
After the shower, I sit and paint my nails and hear my brother and mum come back home. (seriously annoys me because when I know I have the house to myself, I have plans and hate not being able to do them- save to say I’m in a bad mood again)

I have just applied for a job and one of the questions were something about have any criminal convictions pending. I had to answer yes, and so I haven’t been able to finish the application. I get thinking, if this had been sorted when it was supposed to I probably would have been able to finish. Its getting me down, maybe I shouldn’t have done what I did in the first place, but I still don’t understand how what I have done is illegal in the first place! Both me and C chatted together, ass friends. What I did was just lie.. And honestly I think C needs to grow some halls and get a life, she’s just being spiteful.

Well anyway, yet another job down the drain, yet another chance at life fucked up… And I’m back to the thought of cutting!

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