I have to learn one day

So earlier on, I was very down. I was extremely suicidal after something that had happened. I can’t call anyone still and so was pretty much alone.

It was bad this time. Each time feels like the worst I’ve ever felt, but this evening I had got to the point of writing a note. I don’t want to share what I wrote in that note, but some of it was telling my parents about how I feel about them not caring. Writing that part of the note made me burst into tears. I cried so much I thought I’d never stop. I tried to tell my friend how I felt, but the last time I felt this bad, she begged me to tell my mum, and it’s not that easy for me, and I didn’t want her saying that again.

Anyway I finished my note, and held the blade to my wrist. Within seconds, I had a message from the guy I dated a couple weeks ago (then he turned out a bit of a tosser) well he wanted to meet tonight. I stupidly agreed.
We went for a drive, stopped and chatted. It sounds bad but ‘we got playful’ but he wanted to go all the way. I said no and he stopped said that was fi e and we sat in the car just chatting. Then a few minutes later he said “oh my sister is leaving tonight and o haven’t seen her. I had better go” we had spent 20-40 mins together before he decided to F off!

I know what he’s like, and I know why he F***** off but I always run to him. We’ve never had a sexual relationship and when I say no, he seems to always need yo be somewhere.

And now I feel hurt again! He stopped me from cutting, that’s a positive, but he messes me about too much!! I need to learn to say no and ignore him!!

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