I seemed to open up today, more than I normally do, so that’s positive.
We talked about maybe going to a house, she said it’s just like get away. It looks like a normal house and you go there for 3 nights. There are 3/4 other people who go there at the same time. She said its not like a mental facility, more like a B and B or hotel, the only difference is it’s also like your home (is you take your own food etc). It would be nice just to get away for a few days, but I then get to thinking ‘My Mum and Dad can’t find out’ . That thought is starting to friggin annoy me, they don’t care so why should I? And if they did find out, what could really happen? I mean things are bad anyway, it’s either going to stay this way, or they will know, and it will get better.
We then talked about the possibility of my mum coming to a counselling session with me so it would be easier to talk to her, and tell her. I would quite like that, but then I’m put off by knowing how she most likely will react.
I know if she found out about self harm, she’s gonna come home, yelling asking for blades, (that right now I don’t actually have) and she has the biggest mouth ever and will go round telling the family.
But I’ve just thought, my Nan may be good. She won’t yell at me, but instead will completely make a fuss and I’ll end up a crying mess.
Steph is away for 2 weeks, and my next appointment is 19th April, I am worried that I won’t last that long without seeing her. But I have a lot to think about.