Inspirational thought

There are going to be days when you won’t have the energy or drive to get out of bed. There are going to be days when you’re going to want to give up – give up on love, life, or work. The thing is, you’re not allowed to give up. You were given a life and you’re supposed to live it. The truth is the seventy or eighty years that you’re given isn’t long enough to do the things you’re supposed to do. Sure, you’re gonna hit a few bumps along the way, but you’ve got to pick yourself up and move on. Life is unpredictable and things might not always work out the way you want them to, but that’s no reason to give up. You’re here for a reason and someday when you’re not expecting it, you’re going to discover your reason for being here. And when that does happen, your life will never be the same again

Old Conversations

I’m an idiot!

I started to go through old conversations between me and C. I’m accepting that C and I will never speak again, I know that, don’t like it but I can’t do anything to change it.

And now I’ve read through some of our emails and I miss her so much.
I wish I could email her again, or ring her. Hear her voice and cry. Oh I messed up big time.

😦

Happy Easter

I’ve always heard people say alcohol is a depressant, well last night we were kind of celebrating my mums birthday, and I drank. I only had 2 archers and lemonade, and 1 vile concoction my sis made up (containing vodka, archers, WKD, lemonade and orange) it was horrible and strong! I usually can drink a lot more, but last night I was tired!

This morning, I’ve woke up feeling massively depressed. I’ve never felt like this after drinking, maybe already being depressed adds onto the feeling. Thank goodness there won’t be any parties for a while. Or maybe I should just not drink.

Anyway, I promised you, and myself, I would wake up, and be in a positive mood. So, it’s Easter! And that means Easter eggs!! Yay!

Happy Easter everyone. I hope your day is full of love and happiness.

Can’t even enjoy a party

Well my Mum’s birthday is on Monday, and she’s had family and a friend round for drinks and a curry tonight.

I was enjoying a few drinks, and I am slightly merry. I just feel like telling my mum everything, feeling quite teary, and want to tell her. I want a hug from her, but I can’t ruin her little thing/party. And too many people around here.

That’s it, just blame me.

My life since my brother (I’ll call Micheal) was born was always “Take Micheal out with you” “Take Micheal to the park”, always had to do things with him and it annoyed me that I never got to do anything on my own.

He is 14 now, and I’m 21 and spending time with him is nice, occasionally. He’s usually at school, and well I spend most evenings alone in my room avoiding my dad.

This morning, I thought I’d get out of bed and not lounge around getting down. I also have planned to out to lunch with my sister, whenever she gets ready!!

So I’m downstairs, and I play cards with my Brother. My Brother usually has Saturday chores of helping with the food shopping, sorting the fruit and freezer stuff.
My Dad comes in from the kitchen, gives him the bags of fruit and says “can you actually do your job and help me?”, kind of having a go at him. Then he looks at me and says “I blame you for playing cards with him”

There we go, things are back to normal! Everything is my fault. It’s not like Micheal is 14, and able to say “I have this to do, I’ll play later”!!!!!!!

Now, my sis just said she can’t be bothered to walk down, asking about bus. It’ll be me paying for lunch, and also the bus. I have to go to the bank to actually get money out first! Grr!

Fun days can’t ever go without a glitch!

Also….

I feel ready to move on. I can’t keep hoping that one day C will email me, that’s like waiting the British summer, it’s never gonna happen.

I may feel differently at some point, but you never know.

And it’s a line from a song by Pink that made this thought exist,

we’re not broken, just bent and we can learn to love again

I hope that’s true. I hope C can move on and trust and love again.

I realise I hurt her, but I will always have a soft spot for her. She showed me unconditional love when I wasn’t getting it at home, she is a wonderful person, and she will move on, forget me and smile. If I had once wish, it wouldn’t be for C to talk to me again, but for her to be happy and at peace again.

X